How do I see myself? Well, I'll try not to keep a negative opinion here...I'm a troubled kid. From a young age, I've been harrassed and lied to so much that I've lost a lot of self-esteem. As it is, I don't think too highly of myself. Anything I do, I always believe I could have done better, and should have done worse. I always expect someone to be and do better than I will do myself.

I have mood swings. Really bad. Usually, I'm depressed a lot, though occasionally I'll have a good day or two. These good times, though, can disappear over the most trivial of things.

Maybe it's because of these mood swings that I'm alone. As it is, I have all of two friends around. And nobody to talk to, not really. See, the friends I make in class...as soon as the bell rings to dismiss us, those kids don't seem to know me anymore. If they're alone, they might give me a nod. If they're with friends, I cease to exist. Either way, if they talk to me outside of class, it's usually to either beg for money or ask about homework.

The friends I do have, that hang out with me outside of school...I can't talk to them. They don't want to hear it, or they'd just plain laugh. It hurts to get laughed at...

I cry myself to sleep a lot. And when I don't, I feel like crying, because I see myself as always being alone. I know I'm still young, but I dream about when I'm older, about having a family. A person who loves me for me, and a kid to raise and watch go through school...God, that seems so wonderful.

But that's not what I think. It's what I dream. What I think is completely different. What I think is about how I'll never amount to anything. I never complete the things I want to do. I never take the time to get off my lazy ass and get things done. I'm not smart, just lucky...I'm not creative, just impressionable. I'm not fast, just energetic. I'm not strong, just...well, weak. I'm not attractive. I've never had a real girlfriend, and it really doesn't seem like I will. I try my hardest to be nice and impress the fairer of the human race, but this is an age, it seems, where good looks and good money will get you someone to love you.

I'd like to think I'm not a greedy person. I can be selfish sometimes, sure...but not really greedy. Y'know...I love comics. Comics are great, I love to read them...but even with all the comics in the world, I'd still be missing the one thing I want most. I just want someone to hold me, and to care. I've never been held, never been able to look someone in the face and tell them all the things I need to get out...I just want a true-to-life friend here.